The impact of divorce on children can be quite devastating and often children show signs and symptoms that they are feeling distressed. Knowing how to identify these signs can help you get support for your child early.
Changes in Academics
When experiencing stress at home, many children also exhibit changes in other areas of life. A drop in grades due to an inability to focus may signal that a child is under stress. Children may worry about where they will be when they go home, whether their parents will fight, or whether assignments are being completed consistently between homes.
During your time with your child, ask about school, work on grade-level tasks together, check in about projects and assignments, and try to keep routines as consistent as possible.
Aggressiveness
Separation and divorce can be difficult for children to understand. Children can sense their parents’ moods, even when adults believe they are masking them. Some children direct aggression outward through tantrums or fights, while adolescents may express anger verbally or turn their feelings inward.
Talk to your child about their feelings and normalize the anger without becoming defensive. Help them find healthier outlets such as sports, movement, art, or music, and let other supportive adults know what is going on so they can help as well.
Taking Sides
Children may feel pressure to choose between parents. They may tell each parent something different in an effort to please them, even though they love both parents and feel torn by the conflict.
Never ask a child their preference between parents and never speak badly about the other parent around them. Children often internalize those statements. Highlighting the other parent’s strengths can help the child feel less divided.
Difficulty with Transitions
Going from one parent’s home to another can be hard, especially when the rules and expectations differ. Somatic complaints such as headaches or stomach aches around exchanges are common in children who struggle with transitions.
Prepare your child ahead of exchanges based on their age and temperament. Use calendars, reminders, and calmer transition routines so the exchange does not interrupt highly stimulating activities.
About the Author
Dr. Kanaventi is the founder of KaNun Wellness and is passionate about helping families and individuals develop effective strategies to improve connection and increase resilience. She has extensive experience working with families of separation and divorce through the Los Angeles Superior Court and through individual and reunification services.